I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
