My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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