Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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