i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
