I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
