Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
