I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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