I want to have your abortion
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
