I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
