Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
