Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
