i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So many bounce houses so little time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
