I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
