you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
