My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
