i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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