Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
