Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
