I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My dick has a subreddit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
