yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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