woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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