sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
