time to smoke my breakfast
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Of course I have a pirate flag
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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