that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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