I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
