she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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