Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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