I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
