Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
