Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
