He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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