I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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