He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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