Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
