Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
