If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
