Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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