I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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