The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's the barista slut.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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