these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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