The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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