i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
