Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
