He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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