I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're like the curious george of whores
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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