i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
