There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
