She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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