ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
