need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
